Why did I choose to apply to be a Boudie Babe brand ambassador for Erika Gayle Photography?  Without going into too much detail and to put it quite bluntly, 2019 was one of my (our) hardest years. (2020 isn’t proving to be any better but I feel more at ease now than I did about a week ago).  The latter part of 2018 was pretty damn rough too!  Here is my story.  Here is how I got to be in such an incredible position and opportunity of a lifetime.

My youngest daughter was born the end of May 2018.  Throughout my entire pregnancy I worried myself sick about Postpartum Depression (PPD).  This was not something new to me as I struggled with it after my oldest was born.  However, at that time I had no idea what postpartum depression was and had no idea I was suffering from it until my oldest was seven months old.  So now with my second I was well aware of the signs and immediately knew once she hit two months old that I needed to seek help.  I was struggling with my identity.  I didn’t know what made me happy anymore and I didn’t love myself. Self care was a thing of the past and no longer a piece of my existence.

Fast forward four more months down the road.  My youngest was now six months old.  I had started with a counselor when my daughter was two months old and quit going after only two sessions.  We didn’t click.  For anybody who has gone to “therapy” in the past you know as well as I do that in order to achieve true greatness you need to click with your counselor.  Now at my daughter’s six month check-up I was being referred to a new counselor.  I was pissed!  This was such a waste of time in my opinion.  I remember walking into that very first appointment with this new counselor and told her straight up, “I do not want to be here!”

Now here we are a year and a half later and I have completely finished sessions with her.  The fact that I can say that is huge! I used to get so worked up and anxious thinking that these sessions would come to an end.  The thought of “quitting” therapy made me sick to my stomach.  I know now that I have great coping strategies and I can use those to conquer all obstacles head on and strong.  That’s not to say I’m not still going to have bad days, because I will, but I feel confidant in my abilities and feel like I can move forward from the past year of therapy.  If you feel like you yourself are in an anxious place please don’t be scared to reach out.  You are not alone in this, I am here for you, as are many others.

Now you may ask, how did any of this bring me into the Boudie Babe world?  Along my journey with postpartum depression I started following a blog page on Instagram came across a post that Erika had written for this specific page I was following.  After reading her post I immediately started following her on Instagram.  Her strength and love; her journey with mental health and the way she perceived the world as inclusive was something that I admired.  I subscribed to Erika’s newsletters and had found out that Erika was looking for models for her photography business.  I applied, never in a million years thinking I would be chosen. A few months postpartum and I was really hating myself inside and out.  Lo and behold I was one of the babes Erika had chosen to be a model!

I had done boudoir shoots in the past but nothing compared or even came close to doing a photoshoot with Erika.  When I walked into her studio I remember being a nervous fucking wreck.  I had never met this girl, what if she was crazy?  Really, I had no idea what to expect.  Let me tell you, I’m so glad I jumped on that opportunity and took a chance on myself.  I had never before been able to see myself through the eyes of others up until that point (mostly at the photo reveal).  I felt empowered and beautiful; Now I walk with confidence and my head held high.  The way one person can impact your life and the perspective you have on yourself is astonishing.  Thank you Erika for seeing the beauty in absolutely everybody you work with.

Up until a couple months ago I had deactivated my Facebook account.  When I finally logged back in after about a year and a half hiatus I requested to join the Boudie Babe Community I was instantly welcomed with open arms.  This isn’t just another Facebook group.  This is a family; a community; babes supporting babes.  It was right around the time that  joined the Facebook world again and the Boudie Babe Community that Erika announced that she was searching for brand ambassadors to promote her boudoir photography business.  Was it a sign?  I was definitely taking it as one.

Meanwhile, I was struggling with my self worth, letting go of a career I had worked so hard for for the past five years and embarking on this new journey of being a stay-at-home mom.  Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE my girls but I didn’t have anything to call my own; nothing to do for JUST ME!  That’s all it took for me to apply.  The brand ambassador application had been filled out and submitted.  Now it was the elongated waiting game.

So I made it to the second round, I was one of the “chosen ones” for a phone interview with Erika.  Again… waiting.  Then it came, the live reveal on Facebook.  I had signed in late that evening because you know, kids! Actually, I had just signed on at the right time, right as Erika revealed my name as one of her chosen brand ambassadors.  I was literally beaming; a smile so big and so contagious it could light a room.

It’s only been a few months into my brand ambassador journey but I’m so glad I took a chance on myself.  I’ve been lucky enough already to do a few shoots with Erika.  I’ve met the other Boudie Babes who were chosen and damn Erika, you did well.  I can’t even imagine how hard it was for you to choose who to represent your business.

All of us babes are all so different but it literally feels like a family.  I feel like I have finally found my place, the right path in my life and I feel like I finally belong.  I love being surrounded with like minded individuals in a place filled with love, inclusivity, and support from all around.  To support a local, small Saskatchewan business.  I love everything Erika stands for.  The passion and drive this babe has is ASTOUNDING!  She will make waves one day if she hasn’t already.  Girl, you will move mountains.  Thank you for taking a chance on me and allowing me this opportunity.  I hope I make you proud.

All you babes need to know that it is OK to take a chance on yourself.  I know it’s scary, but what would life be if things didn’t scare us just a little bit?  I like to think that if it scares you it’s damn well worth the risk.  The scary moments are usually the ones that impact and change your life for the better in my opinion.  Take the leap, take those opportunities that present themselves as a sign.  Don’t do it for anybody else, do it for yourself.  You are worth every ounce of beauty and bettering yourself and the world around you.  Self care is so important.  I promise you will not regret taking care of yourself.  You can do remarkable things because you are and always will be a fierce ass babe!