I am fat, no wait, I have fat. God that word used to hurt…FAT! I struggled with my weight most of my life. I’ve always been the fattest girl at school, the fattest girl in the room, always the fat friend. I can’t count how many times I’ve heard “you’re pretty for a big girl” “you could be so pretty if you lost weight”, “you have such a pretty face”, makes me want to pull my hair out. You hear these types of things so often, you start believing it.
Step out of your comfort zone.
As I matured I started to care less about what others thought about me. Soon I began stepping out of my comfort zone and challenging everything I thought about myself. I always loved doing sports but thought it was ridiculous to even try especially at my current weight however I bit the bullet and joined the ladies tackle football team The Regina Riot. My goal in joining the team wasn’t to lose weight, or get fit. I wanted to prove to myself that my weight was not an obstacle that needed to be overcome. That despite being fat I could still do anything I wanted. It was important that my daughters see that they can do anything they want as well. I am not defined by my weight or body shape. I felt my confidence growing and was feeling more empowered every day.
Although I was feeling better about myself and was less concerned about what others thought I still had self doubt. I had friends who had done boudoir photoshoots but they were all thin and looked amazing. Never had I dreamed I could look as beautiful as them, after all I was still fat. I had to remind myself that after allowing myself to be vulnerable I was rewarded with such a feeling of empowerment and self love so I bit the bullet and agreed to a photo session.
Nervous yet excited.
As the photoshoot grew near I was nervous yet excited. Every question imaginable went through my mind…what would I wear, what about my rolls, triple chins, stretch marks, flabby arms, it was endless. Leading up to and the day of the shoot Erika was amazing, she guided me through all my insecurities. I had so much fun dancing and prancing around the studio mostly naked. The session left me feeling so free and silly but most of all empowered. I hadn’t even seen the photos yet felt amazing. Years of anxiety about my weight disappeared.
A few weeks later I got my pictures back and they were BEAUTIFUL…they were ME. I loved them all. I am still very proud of this accomplishment and every now and then when I need a reminder that I am strong and beautiful I have these moments captured in time to remind me. Thank you Erika.